7 things you must never do when it comes to your wedding

From speeches and music to cold feet and practical jokes, EDGAR‘s advice on how to survive your nuptials.

Peter Iantorno May 21, 2015

As difficult as it may seem before the event, getting married is actually really easy. Clearly, if you have managed to not only attract a decent woman, but you have also displayed the properties that convinced her to marry you, the day itself should be a piece of cake for a man of your calibre.

However, there are a few wedding day pitfalls that can easily rear their ugly heads if the necessary precautions aren’t taken – and yes, that includes in the marital bed of the honeymoon suite… Here are seven things you must never do at your own wedding:

Go on your stag party the night before
Be under no illusions: every man is entitled to a stag party, and we’ll defend that right to the hilt – read our article on the subject if you don’t believe us – however, one thing we would say is that the night before your wedding is an absolutely dreadful time to do it.

Not only does it have the potential to see you waking up with no idea where you are after being stitched up by your ‘helpful’ groomsmen, but even if that doesn’t happen, the likelihood is you’ll feel – and, more importantly – look terrible. Trust us, just don’t do it to yourself.

Let cold feet affect you
If you find that you’re faced with a case of the jitters, our only advice would be to ignore them, man the hell up and do what you committed to do in the first place. Why? Let’s imagine for a second that these feelings of doubt are right, and you are, in fact, marrying the wrong person: you should call the whole thing off, right?

Wrong! You’ve come way too far now. All your friends and family are on their way, and not only will you let them all down and ruin your fiancée’s life, but you will also destroy your own reputation. Getting a divorce is much less stress than jilting someone at the alter. And anyway, of course she’s the right woman for you – she’s put up with you for this long hasn’t she? Don’t be a fool. Getting cold feet is fine, acting on it is most certainly not.

Mess up your speech
Apart from the portion of the day where you are waiting around before the ceremony wondering if your bride has thought better of the marriage and done a runner, the speech is the most nervous you will be throughout the whole wedding.

Not everyone has the gift of the gab, but for a groom’s speech, you really don’t need to say an awful lot. The key points to follow: thank EVERYONE, speak slowly and clearly and, under no circumstances should you partake in some Dutch courage before speaking – while the speech will sound great in your mind, it will most likely come out as nonsense in reality. If you’re still struggling, read our expert guide from a motivational speaker.

Scrimp on the the guest list
When it comes to keeping control of your wedding budget, the guest list is always the first place where cuts tend to get made – after all, for each extra person the bill just gets bigger and bigger.

One tactic that is often used is separating the ceremony and reception, and only inviting your favourite and most important guests to both. This is controversial, and we’ll tell you where we stand on the subject: Do not do it – an invite to a ceremony only is worse than no invite at all. If you don’t care enough about a guest to pay for them at a reception, they shouldn’t be there anyway.

Be a music dictator
When you’re paying a fortune for what ultimately is just a massive party, you can’t be blamed for wanting to be able to pick the music. However, while insisting on a strict playlist of your choosing will ensure you’re loving every song, unless you have incredibly eclectic (and, let’s face it, a little weird) tastes, you’re never going to be able to appeal to everyone, and some people will be left on the periphery of the dance floor, bored out of their minds.

As much as it goes against our better judgement to allow those cheesy wedding classics or some of the modern garbage that is masquerading as music today, the fact is, people like them – and when people like music, they dance, which makes your wedding much more fun! And anyway, if something truly intolerable comes on you can always head to the bar for some stunted conversation with your new father-in-law.

Act the fool
Got a funny idea for a cheeky prank that you think will have the whole wedding in stitches? Forget about it. Seriously, for your own good, do not try to be smart and pull off some hair-brained scheme in an attempt to gain a few giggles from the bridesmaids.

The reason we say this isn’t because we’re boring and not up for a laugh, it is a simple matter of risk and reward. Just think about it: what is the best thing that can possibly happen? A few laughs. And the worst? You’ll look like a complete idiot in front of everyone, offend an important family member and embarrass your new bride. Whatever you do, don’t.

Get her pregnant on the honeymoon
You know how they call the first couple of years of marriage “the honeymoon period”? Well, if you decide to immediately start off your own little family – or are careless enough to do it by mistake – then you can kiss goodbye to any hopes of marital bliss.

It’s not like you’ll even have the nine months before the child pops out to enjoy married life, as your new role as husband to a pregnant wife will consist of not much more than a gloried butler, rushing out at a moment’s notice to buy ice cream and pickles – or whatever it is they claim to crave nowadays.