10 Jose Mourinho quotes we will never get over

Love him or hate him, you can’t deny that Jose Mourinho is pure entertainment. Whether he’s winning or losing, 'the special one' is a godsend for football writers around the world.

As he celebrates his 54th birthday today, we take a look at some of his best lip-snarling antics. Swipe on. 

"Please don't call me arrogant...I'm European champion. So I’m not one of the bottle. I think I'm a special one"

Let’s start where it all began. After winning the Champions League with Porto, Mourinho was headhunted by Roman Abrahimovic to manage his then newly acquired Chelsea team. On arriving in England, the Portuguese was asked whether he would be able to manage a looking-to-be huge team in the Premier League. With two titles in his first two seasons, it’s safe to say he managed. 

"As we say in Portugal, they brought the bus and they left the bus in front of the goal. I would have been frustrated if I had been a supporter who paid £50 to watch this game because Spurs came to defend."

Ironically, Mourinho was the one moaning about a team parking the bus after Chelsea’s goalless draw against Tottenham. 

"I think he is one of these people who is a voyeur. He likes to watch other people. There are some guys who, when they are at home, have a big telescope to see what happens in other families. He speaks, speaks, speaks about Chelsea."

Mourinho loves taking down Arsene Wenger. Really, he’s obsessed with the Frenchman. 

"How do you say cheating in Catalan? Can Messi be suspended for acting? Barcelona is a cultural city with many great theatres and this boy has learned very well. He's learned play-acting."

The then Chelsea manager was livid after his left-back Asier Del Horno was sent off for a challenge on the Barcelona hero during a Champions League fixture. Never one to bite his tongue, Mourinho had a something to say about Messi’s acting chops. 

“If they made a film of my life, I think they should get George Clooney to play me.”

Apparently, his wife thought Clooney would be ideal. 

"He must really think I'm a great guy. He must think that because otherwise, he would not have given me so much. I have a great family. I work in a place where I've always dreamt of working. He has helped me out so much that he must have a very high opinion of me."

Who is "he"? God, of course. 

"When I saw Frank Rijkaard entering the referee's dressing room I couldn't believe it… When Didier Drogba was sent off I wasn't surprised."

During a Champions League match between Barcelona and Chelsea, Mourinho felt aggrieved that his side was not getting some decisions on the pitch. At half-time, Mourinho thought he found out why.

"Look, I'm a coach, I'm not Harry Potter. He is magical, but in reality, there is no magic. Magic is fiction and football is real."

After his stint at Inter Milan, Mourinho made his move to Real Madrid. Much was expected from the man with the Midas touch. Sadly, his opening game of the season was a drab goalless draw against Mallorca. 

“Ricardo Carvalho seems to have problems understanding things, maybe he should have an IQ test, or go to a mental hospital or something.”

If you ever play for a team managed by Mourinho, never go to the press attacking the manager for not picking you. Internet trolls are more lenient. 

"I had just one problem with Cristiano, very simple, very basic and it's from a tactical aspect that I noticed, which I brought up in order to improve upon and make him better. And at that moment he didn't take it very well because maybe he thinks he knows everything and the coach cannot help him to develop more."

It could have been a match made in heaven. The best player in the world (if you remove Messi) and the best manager in the world (if you look past Guardiola, Klopp, Ancelotti, Simeone etc.), Sadly, like Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone in La La Land, they could never make it work. Oops, spoiler alert.

“I have nothing to say”

He really had nothing to say. 

The quote is way too long. So please, just hit the play button.