I’ve played 5-a-side football all across the world. From parks in Manhattan and stadiums in Seville, to waterlogged pitches in Dublin and part-time car parks in Bath.
Right now I’m plying my increasingly laboured trade on the pitches in the UAE. But it doesn’t matter where I’ve played football, I always seem to come across the same type of players.
It doesn’t matter where in the world they’re from, there seems to be a universal code that these five specific types will turn up sooner or later.
So here are five types of player you will always find at 5-a-side football.